just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
