he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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