also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
