an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
