waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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