A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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