I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
