I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
