Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The air taste purple.
Randomize
