so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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