I got chris browned last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
