I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its about making memories worth repressing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
