I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
