If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
