Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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