You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
