I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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