I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
