She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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