wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
