Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She made me pour olive oil on her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
