I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
