All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize