He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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