Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
4 words: hood of his car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
