did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
