the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you win again, gameday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
