Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
