Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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