How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
