What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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