I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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