Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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