Sry I called you an 8
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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