He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
