He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
