Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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