can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
