Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
