tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
