You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Enjoy the penises
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
