Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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