It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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