i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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