I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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