nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
