textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
