Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're so nebulous sometimes
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk is a universal language darling
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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