yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
