Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
