You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
me + whiskey = a bad person
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
