He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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