I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sober January is a disaster.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
