Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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