You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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