wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
