so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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