he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
