the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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