I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
only you would photoshop your dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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