I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
