Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
