I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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