They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
