If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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