A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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