she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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