I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
