I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
