when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
