Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
