we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Four minutes until I can fart!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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