i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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