so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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