do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
