i already hear my dad disowning me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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