you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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